Wednesday, August 4, 2010

Points Guide to Oral Sex

Yes, these posts start out the same way every time and I know, but I swear, I make none of this up. However; a few days ago (Saturday to be exact) I overheard a female friend say, "I do not SWALLOW," and she meant it. Me, being the concerned friend I am, asked her to repeat herself and once again, she said, "Yes, I do not swallow." I responded with something like, "Why, It's 2010.." and we began to talk about this more in detail.

She explained to me that 'giving head was enough and who would care if a female swallowed or not, if they received oral sex, they should just take it and be happy.' My take, as I tried to explain was that SWALLOWING was not a NECESSITY but it WOULD put you on a WHOLE DIFFERENT LEVEL in my book. A male friend who was sitting beside us agreed as well.

I can't speak for all but I have a quite unique point scale when oral sex is involved, I'll explain below. All oral sex is not good oral sex for one. Minus the points, this is how my scale is broken down.

1. Teasing the tip: This happens when a female is either sometimes scared to head OR is trying for the first time and thinks that just because she licks around it, you should be satisfied. Trust me, this will get, as the late Bernie Mac would say "FUUUCKKKEEDD UUUUPPPP!!!" Don't do it. Either suck it or not!

2. Wetter is better: No matter how bad this sounds, spitting is a good GREAT thing. There's no need in being tidy when oral sex is involved. Until you learn that, there's no chance of you being wifey material.

3. Its the attempt that counts: Ok, some of you are blessed with the No Gag Reflex and yes, that's cool. Round of applause for you. Some of you aren't. For those who aren't and still try, KUDOS to you!! TRYING to take as much as possible is a major plus in my book.

4. Swallowing will get you a GOLD STAR: If anyone of you said YUCK when you just read this point, you're prolly single and will be for a good minute. But like I was stating, swallowing to me shows me that you are ready to take this to another level. Now this is not for every Tom, Dick, that's Hairy (like that didn't ya) that you run into. This is for someone special. Surprise your man with this and trust me, you won't have to beg for dinner and a movie next time around.

Once again, this is just me. If you disagree, that's cool. Really. What do I know? I'm just a nigga with a blog site.


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